Tiny home dwellers. Weird folks, am I right? I have stereotyped them down to people who name their plants after Disney villains, and form their morals off of country songs.
That is, of course, until I became one.
After 4 months of actively looking for a house in the Denver market, William and I found we were competing for the same homes with the same 12 other couples. We were all going into these open houses with paint swatches and an open mind. Then, all trying to out-bid each other. The perfect storm….
Driving to our 20th something home, we had a great feeling. Aged brick siding, reasonably priced, complementary lawn mower included. I was already couch shopping for this diamond in a rough. But five minutes out from the showing we got a call from our agent, Justin.
"Do you want the bad news first?" Justin said.
"Doesn't it usually come with the option of good news." I asked. William nodded in agreement to my question.
"[Justin lol-ed] not this time."
Come to find out, the house had already gone under contract. Though the listing agent swore on his mother’s dead shih-tzu the sellers would wait to review all offers until 7pm. What a hinny hole.
William swore in German. I didn't know he knew German.
That night scrolling through Zillow, I was crying and eating doughnuts. Everything was so unfair. Around my third glazed old-fashioned, with unnecessary intricate pink frosting, I found it. An ocean blue 800 sq. ft house in Lakewood with child-size daises in the front yard. It had been on the market for months. This was our in. Instead of competing for the same houses with the same couples, we needed to think outside the box, or we would have to start living in a cardboard box, as my parents no longer found us to be amusing roommates.
"William…." I said.
He raised his index finger then lowered the volume on a Food Network YouTube video. "I think I'm going into the canning business."
"Not important now." I replied.
He raised the volume back up.
"We should put an offer on this tiny home. No one else wants it." I pointed a doughnut-frosted finger at the pictures across my computer screen.
William looked at me, then back to the program of the Pioneer Woman snapping beans in half. "How many bathrooms?"
Here we are weeks later and under Tiny Home contract. The house has some interesting features like the living room slopes so far to the right you need both hands to balance; the master bedroom is only big enough for bunkbeds; and the detached garage is one windstorm away from becoming a curbside wood pile.
So, I had to put my earthly possessions on a diet. With limited space, and an obsession with ABC Provisions cooking I can only harbor, in-house, products that are multipurpose. Here are my top 3.
- NEVER crystalizes
- Purposes: standard honey protocol (toast, charcuterie, oatmeal); can be used as a sweetener in coffee; as a vegetable glaze for Brussel sprouts, asparagus, and yellow squash; worn as a weekly face mask to restore moisture and a dewy glow; base for salad dressing; sugar substitute in cooking.
- TWO YEAR shelf life
- Purposes: standard jam protocol (toast, biscuits, etc.); can be used as a homemade barbecue sauce base; crockpot marinade for meatballs and chicken; baking condiment for recipes like peanut butter and jelly blondes; food color additive and low-sugar sweetener for keto baking.
- Can be stored ANYWHERE and withstand all COLORADO temperatures
- Purposes: standard pickle protocol (sandwiches, burgers); brine can be used as a marinade for seafood; the unique thick texture makes it a PERFECT topping for street tacos, deviled eggs, and salads; super cute jar is great for repurposing as a garden planter.
While packing yesterday, I told William that what I am looking forward to most is him only being a couple square feet from me no matter what room he is in.
He replied, "That's why I’m already looking at loans to add a second story addition."
~Hannah King, Owner
ABC Provisions: feel good about what you're eating.